If my words seem similar and sound like they did yesterday, then perhaps it is. I'm exhausted. I've got so many fish to fry that I wouldn't know a rubber or silicone one from a real one. Piscine enthusiasts and savers, please don't come after me.
But saying I'm exhausted is not going to benefit anyone else, but me. This is my space, and acknowledging it makes me feel true to myself. I want this month to be over, and like I was telling a friend recently, I don't even know what I'm waiting for. November?
If you're working in a 9-5 role with structure and teams, you'd anticipate a promotion, a new career opportunity or a different way to make money. As a freelancer, I don't know what to expect. Everything is a surprise. Everything is a shocker. I don't know when I'm taking my next vacation or 'time off.' And so, I build my own structures.
But me building my own malleable structures can mean only one thing. That the structures are malleable. And so they're bent, twisted or broken. I've learned a few things about myself.
One of that is setting unachievable expectations for myself, and then feeling disappointed if I'm unable to reach them. But the problem is, I know that on a perfectly good day, those very expectations are easy to achieve. I'm learning to bring a balance within these structures; and build a routine to deal with the chaotic swings of my mind.
Today, I took it light. I finished up some pending invoice work and set up a few meetings for the upcoming week. By afternoon, I'd curled up on the couch with the TV remote in my hand. I spent hours watching a well-researched documentary. The infovore in me is happy.
Had I felt let down because of my highly set expectations, I would've spent the day feeling miserable. This, perhaps is my 'time off'.